Archive for Downsizer For an ethical approach to consumption
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Simon
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Bad joke timeThere was a wee lad sitting at the bar,
a big thug walks up to him and hits him,
he says; "That's a karatti chop from Japan!"
The same thug walks up to him and hits him again and says;
"That's a karatti chop from South Korea!"
The wee guy goes out and later comes back and hits the thug out cold!
Then says to the barman; "When that big B***ard wakes up tell him; that's a crow bar from B&Q!"
Boom Boom
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Fee
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dpack
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ahh how fluffy
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twoscoops
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'Doctor, i think I'm going deaf'
'Can you describe the symptoms?'
'Yes, homer's a bit fat and Marge has got blue hair'.
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Penny
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| twoscoops wrote: | 'Doctor, i think I'm going deaf'
'Can you describe the symptoms?'
'Yes, homer's a bit fat and Marge has got blue hair'. |
Took me a while though 
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mochyn
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to both of those...
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Drewsephine
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A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar £50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."
None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away, better than Jimi Hendrix. The man took £50 from the guitarist. Next someone brings up a trumpet. The octopus started playing the trumpet, better than Herb Alpert. The man won another £50 from the trumpeter. Then some guy brought up some bagpipes. The octopus picked up the bagpipes for a minute and, looking a little puzzled, set them down again.
"Can't you play the bagpipes?" asked the man. "Play it?" said the octopus, "I'm gonna s***w it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."
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gil
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Not heard that one for a while..
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Drewsephine
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Something for Nick to scrub up with ?
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bodger
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Two eggs boiling in a pan of water.
One turns to the other and says " I've got a crack"
The other replys " Its no use, I'm not hard enough yet" 
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Drewsephine
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One morning, a man was in a huge hurry to get to work. In his rush he rear-ended a car at a red light because he wasn't paying attention.
"Great, just great," the man muttered.
The driver of the other car opened his door, and as he got out to survey the damage the man realized he was a dwarf.
After checking out his dented bumper, the dwarf walked over to the man and said, "I'm not happy."
"Well," replied the man. "Then which one are you?"
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Ian33568
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On a theme of amusing stories and jokes: What Do Retired People Do All Day ?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. So my wife called him a sh*thead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We had come into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
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