Pea
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INSTALLING A HUSBANDThis just came through on email and I thought it would be appreciated here 
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 orBeer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law
1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend
5.0 program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support
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Mary-Jane
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Excellent.
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kevin.vinke
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Very Good
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jocorless
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Very funny although it does forget to mention that Husband 1.0 is a fairly flaky program to start with and is prone to infestation by Temperamental 1.5 and in MJ's case upgrading to Husband 2.0 came with the added programs of Lime Mortar 3.0 and Naked Accordion Playing 0.5 Beta - which thankfully was only a run-once program
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Azura Skye
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giggle  )
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Penny
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So very true 
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Penny
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| jocorless wrote: | | Very funny although it does forget to mention that Husband 1.0 is a fairly flaky program to start with and is prone to infestation by Temperamental 1.5 and in MJ's case upgrading to Husband 2.0 came with the added programs of Lime Mortar 3.0 and Naked Accordion Playing 0.5 Beta - which thankfully was only a run-once program |
I upgraded to Husband 2.2, and that's a splendid model
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Pea
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Im currently not experiencing any problems with Husband 1.0
but there is still time
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wellington womble
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I think an ad on gadget of Au Pair 7.0 would solve all the above problems.
Where do you get upgrades to Husband 2.2?
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Mary-Jane
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| jocorless wrote: | | Very funny although it does forget to mention that Husband 1.0 is a fairly flaky program to start with and is prone to infestation by Temperamental 1.5 and in MJ's case upgrading to Husband 2.0 came with the added programs of Lime Mortar 3.0 and Naked Accordion Playing 0.5 Beta - which thankfully was only a run-once program |
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Penny
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| wellington womble wrote: | I think an ad on gadget of Au Pair 7.0 would solve all the above problems.
Where do you get upgrades to Husband 2.2? |
You have to find a Husband 2.0 that has already been upgraded with two small additional clone models
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jocorless
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and allowing a self-patch of PowerTools 1.5 is tricky - sometimes it works really well - othertimes it can be downloaded with ColourfulSwearing 8.0 and MessMaking 5.0
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BahamaMama
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Husband 2.1 has some excellent functions but does default to Sawdust 3.0 and Mud 4.0 
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Penny
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| BahamaMama wrote: | | Husband 2.1 has some excellent functions but does default to Sawdust 3.0 and Mud 4.0 |
Ah, 2.2 has those put also has the Farting and Snoring loudly beta program running
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vegplot
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To: Technical Support
Dear Sir,
Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began creating problems within the system processing and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected 
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to run and nothing else.
I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall from Wife 1.0 to Girlfriend 7.0 does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks,
Dear ,
This is a very common problem men users of the Wife 1.0 software complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception of the software.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed !!
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Worries Invited For Ever (Wife 1.0)".
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding general partnership faults (GPFs).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action to solve this major IT problem of yours will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE.
In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.
Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend you to install the latest gift software like Flowers 2.1, Necklaces 3.2, and Chocolates 5.0.
note: Do not under any circumstances, install Secretary With Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application; in fact it is a deadly virus for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Regards,
Technical Support
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Mary-Jane
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Well clearly that's just not funny vegplot...
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Penny
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*snigger*
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Gervase
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OK, just to add some fuel to the flames....
Wives are clearly Windows, whereas chaps are Macs.
Discuss.
(ducks and runs for cover)
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dpack
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| jocorless wrote: | | Very funny although it does forget to mention that Husband 1.0 is a fairly flaky program to start with and is prone to infestation by Temperamental 1.5 and in MJ's case upgrading to Husband 2.0 came with the added programs of Lime Mortar 3.0 and Naked Accordion Playing 0.5 Beta - which thankfully was only a run-once program |
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Barefoot Andrew
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| Gervase wrote: | OK, just to add some fuel to the flames....
Wives are clearly Windows, whereas chaps are Macs.
Discuss.
(ducks and runs for cover) |
It could be argued that men are DOS boxes and need booting up.
A.
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wellington womble
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I had wondered about re-booting husband 1.0
Why are chaps Macs, then?
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Barefoot Andrew
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| Barefoot Andrew wrote: | | Gervase wrote: | OK, just to add some fuel to the flames....
Wives are clearly Windows, whereas chaps are Macs.
Discuss.
(ducks and runs for cover) |
It could be argued that men are DOS boxes and need booting up.
A. |
And many of us have floppies
A.
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judith
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| wellington womble wrote: | | Why are chaps Macs, then? |
Overpriced and largely decorative?
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dpack
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| judith wrote: | | wellington womble wrote: | | Why are chaps Macs, then? |
Overpriced and largely decorative? |
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Barefoot Andrew
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That could provoke controversy 
A.
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judith
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I hope so
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BethinPA
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In my experience, Husband 1.0 is much more prone to debilitating viruses, in which the only programs that run reliably are Couch 2.0 and TV 1.0. Also, frequently drops into "Sleep" mode when there is work to be done.
Wife 1.0, like a MAC, runs regardless of viral infections, performing all the usual systems operations.
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Northern_Lad
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| BethinPA wrote: | In my experience, Husband 1.0 is much more prone to debilitating viruses, in which the only programs that run reliably are Couch 2.0 and TV 1.0. Also, frequently drops into "Sleep" mode when there is work to be done.
Wife 1.0, like a MAC, runs regardless of viral infections, performing all the usual systems operations. |
Such as I'm Too Fat 18.3, Does My Bum Look Big 4.1, delay program I'll Just Be Minute 412, and I Have a Headache 2.0.
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twoscoops
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I've upgraded to girlfriend 5.1 but the Wifeypedia application still insists on being correct even when wrong.
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Penny
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| twoscoops wrote: | | I've upgraded to girlfriend 5.1 but the Wifeypedia application still insists on being correct even when wrong. |
Are you running girlfriend 5.1 and the Wifeypedia application at the ame time? I've heard that can cause blue screen errors 
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Barefoot Andrew
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| BethinPA wrote: | | Also, frequently drops into "Sleep" mode when there is work to be done. |
Plus, Blokes 0.5beta - we never made it to reliable versions - have regular system dumps.
A.
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Mary-Jane
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| judith wrote: | | wellington womble wrote: | | Why are chaps Macs, then? |
Overpriced and largely decorative? |
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BahamaMama
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| Mary-Jane wrote: | | judith wrote: | | wellington womble wrote: | | Why are chaps Macs, then? |
Overpriced and largely decorative? |
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Does that not depend if it is the old 'dumpy' iMac or the new 'flat screen' version?
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Behemoth
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It's my opinion that blokes run better if Allotment 1.1 is used regularly.
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Mrs Fiddlesticks
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| Behemoth wrote: | | It's my opinion that blokes run better if Allotment 1.1 is used regularly. |
ah but then you need the external hard drive known as Shed.5 which sometimes falls over and then before you know it Outbuildings 4.7 will be needed but that's a very expensive upgrade.
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lettucewoman
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I find husband 2.1 very satisfactory especially if I run cuddles 4.0, kisses 3.2 and cider 7.3 concurrently!
...althoug cider 7.3 sometimes causes husband 2.1 to close unexpectedly.... 
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vegplot
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| judith wrote: | | wellington womble wrote: | | Why are chaps Macs, then? |
Overpriced and largely decorative? |
Only one button.
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Nanny
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it should never be forgotten that Man Flu 10.1 double Beta is one of the most virulent viruses that can be found
any female installing husbands should consider the implications of this and cater for the extra work this particular application will cause before installation
you may choose to abort the application ...........
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