LynneA
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Dear HensThe drinker we put in your run every day contains water, plus a little additional supplement for your health.
It is there for you to drink from, not to act as a target to see how far you can kick the contents of the run. 
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Mutton
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Dear Hens
My finger is not edible. It is also not a lever.
I know if you peck my finger I scream and throw the can of grain across the room.
All you had to do was wait thirty seconds and you wouldn't have been brained by a can.
PS Is brained the right word when addressing a chicken?
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kevin.vinke
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dear Hens,
I bring you a nice clean drinker with lukewarm water a touch of vinegar and garlic and what do you insist on drinking? the ice that I broke out of your drinker a few minutes ago. Ps thank you for the eggs 
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Soapnutter
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Dear hens,
When I provide clean, ice free water for you, do you insist on desperately trying to break the ice on the puddle in your run to drink? Oh the puddle that wouldn't be there if you hadn't decided to dig a large hole in the middle of your run.
Oh and while I'm at it, I know it's cold but why poo in the nest boxes? I know you prefer to sleep in there because it's warmer, but the mess.....
Thanks for carrying on with the egg laying when you should really be having a break though, that's ace.
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Castle Farm
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Dear hens.
You have 16 acres of land to crap on...Please stop doing it in the drinkers
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wellington womble
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Dear hens,
after your days sulking yesterday (where you may recall that you all refused to come out of the house all day) you will notice I have made some modifications to your quarters. I am pleased to see that you did deign to come today, albeit for a spot of outdoor sulking.
Please note, you are exceptionally spoilt. You have a duvet and a shyer of platsic surrounding you house to keep you toasty, not to mention the extra corn, sunflower seeds and mealworms. so stop being such wimps.
Some eggs would be nice.
The big scary person with the grain scoop.
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Tavascarow
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| wellington womble wrote: | Dear hens,
Some eggs would be nice.
The big scary person with the grain scoop. |
Ditto the big extra scary person with the sharp axe.
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bring me sunshine
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Dear Silkie (whichever one of you it is),
You are officially stupid. Is today really the day you want to start moulting? You've stopped laying to freeze? I could have put you in thr freezer for that!!
Oh, and next time, please either give me due warning or do your moulting in one place, rather than all over the enclosure, thereby giving the impression that a fox has been avisiting...
Yours, the one with the corn
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jocorless
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Why oh why when there is 23 of you am I having to buy eggs today? I know its cold and snowy but you could have just laid me 1/2 dozen or so over the last week - It's not much to ask really!
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gardening-girl
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Dear Mrs Faverolle,
Thank you for your first egg! I used it for the glaze on my pork pie.
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Soapnutter
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| gardening-girl wrote: | Dear Mrs Faverolle,
Thank you for your first egg! I used it for the glaze on my pork pie. |
Marvellous!
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gardening-girl
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It was very small 
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Chickem
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| gardening-girl wrote: | | It was very small |
But isn't it fantastic when they lay for the first time?
we're getting between 6 and 10 at the moment from 19 hens
Thank you Girls x
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dpack
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dear rooster my dog is now scared of hens 
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Rosemary Judy
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Dear Hens,
thanks to whoever laid an egg today - your first since the 19th October. 
Can I have a few more by Friday, so we can have scrambled eggs for our Christmas breakfast.
And please enjoy being in the greenhouse today, as you are too wimpy to walk in the snow and your little run is too tiny for you to be in another day.
RJ
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Mutton
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Dear Hens
When we installed the cat flap, we put a breeze block under it to act as a step. We know it is a nice sunny spot. Would you please stop sitting on it with your feathered rear up to the cat flap as the cats can't get out. The whole point of installing the flap was so we didn't have cats wailing at us to come and open the door for them.
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Liz in Ireland
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Dear Hens,
Please do not use the cat flap, or lay your eggs where the cats sleep, remember the terrible fuss you made when the cats slept in your nest boxes
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Woodburner
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Dear chicks,
The pebbles in your water dishes were there for a good reason, not for you to practice shot put with. Hopefully, as you are big enough to flip the pebbles out of the dishes, you are big enough not to drown youselves, as I have replaced the dishes with a proper waterer!
WB
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Soapnutter
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Dear Hens,
I love you to bits. Thank you for the eggs supplied for Xmas day brekkie for me, my kids and my Dad (Mum preferred muesli, go figure..) and for my best mates Xmas day brekkie.
Then when we got home after abandoning you for the best part of a week there was an egg waiting!
Well done.
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Frewen Feltmaker
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Dear hens - I am so sorry the covenants say no poultry of any kind - I am going to have to sell your house, but you seem happy enough with our old neighbours ...
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jocorless
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I'm sorry I didn't feed you promptly this morning but I had to nip to the Doctors to pick up a prescription for asthma meds for Sam - However that doesn't mean you can wander up to the house on mass to complain - The dog doesn't like it very much!
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Liz in Ireland
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Dear Hens,
Another note to say that though I love you dearly, and thank you for the eggs, your behaviour recently has been poor! You have ignored my previous note about the cat flap and continue to use it at will. Chasing the cats out through it is very mean as it is very cold outside
The cold is why I feed the wild birds. Please desist from taking flying leaps at the seed and peanut containers, standing underneath aforementioned containers with your beaks open, or terrorising those much much smaller than yourselves. Your own food lies dry and plentiful in your own quarters,
You do however give me hours of fun,
Love Liz
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Bebo
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| Woodburner wrote: | Dear chicks,
The pebbles in your water dishes were there for a good reason, not for you to practice shot put with. Hopefully, as you are big enough to flip the pebbles out of the dishes, you are big enough not to drown youselves, as I have replaced the dishes with a proper waterer!
WB |
Shot-putting silkies Glad to hear they are doing well.
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Shan
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Dear Boris,
Although you are a chunky Indian Game Cockerel, I know and you know that I know, that you know how to perch! I have seen you perching during the day, so why do you insist on perching on the floor underneath your girls at night? You do realise that being covered in chicken sh*t is not attractive to the girls?
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Mutton
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Dear Hens
You know which two I mean. I saw you. Its all very well chasing butterflies in the summer, but a hedge sparrow! Not everything with wings on flying near ground level is meant for you to eat.
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GSHP
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Dear Hens,
Or at least hen please !! don't tempt me by going broody. It's far too early in the year and I haven't yet sorted you into groups.
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Soapnutter
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Dear Rainbow,
I know it's you, you look a mess and your feathers are all over the place. You muppet, what a stupid time to moult.
Ah well, you're doing well for a rescued ex-batt at over 2 yrs old.
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Mutton
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Dear Hens
Why do you so like eating white spheres? Polystyrene is not part of your natural diet. Hailstones might be natural but they must give you a nasty chill in your crop. So why?
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LynneA
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I'm at work all day again. Don't practice your kung fu kicks on the drinker - it will not be replaced.
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Mutton
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And from my other half.
Dear Hens
The evening routine would be so much simpler if you would just follow these simple rules:
1. Sit in a neat row on your perches, preferably all facing in the same direction.
2. Don't jump off half way through the count
3. Don't burrow under your neighbour and disappear
4. Don't fly wildly up as though you want to land in the rafters, fail and plummet.
5. Don't make a daft run for freedom as I shut the door.
6. Don't hide behind the stables, under the stack of palettes or perch up on the greenhouse frame almost out of reach for some reason best known to yourself.
The outdoors is cold, unfriendly and contains foxes. Behave or the fox may contain you.
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Woodburner
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| Bebo wrote: | | Woodburner wrote: | Dear chicks,
The pebbles in your water dishes were there for a good reason, not for you to practice shot put with. Hopefully, as you are big enough to flip the pebbles out of the dishes, you are big enough not to drown youselves, as I have replaced the dishes with a proper waterer!
WB |
Shot-putting silkies Glad to hear they are doing well. |
They're practising the high jump now 
Oh, and the limbo dance . . . under a mini feed hopper made from a cardboard box, jammed in between the brooder and the outer box! 
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Cobnut
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Dear Scrag End
You are a darling but please would you check you’ve not trodden in poo before jumping onto my shoulder. And to the rest of the Girls, you are officially retired and lovely as it is that you still lay eggs, one every now and then would be preferable to the mountains I’m receiving that are going to waste. Please have some time off. Thanks.
The mobile food dispensing unit.
| bring me sunshine wrote: | Oh, and next time, please either give me due warning or do your moulting in one place, rather than all over the enclosure, thereby giving the impression that a fox has been avisiting...
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Ditto that, except it’s worse when I see a pile of moulted feathers in one place! 
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Green Rosie
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Dear hens and ducks - you are lovely - by 9.45am you had already given me three chook and one duck egg. I have a loaf of bread just yelling to be turned into bread and butter pudding. Thank you
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Mutton
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Dear Hens
The swirling blizzard and greenhouse wrecking winds are over for a couple of days, so you can come out.
PS - the large piece of wood propped against the wall by the back door is still there. So the little one that came down to the back door and then hid under it all day because the head winds for getting back home were too ferocious, can do so again if needed. And yes, I will remember to slip a few snacks under there again.
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wellington womble
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Dear Hens,
I'm sorry about the nasty white stuff. I know you don't like it, but I'm afraid it's out of my hands. It is, however, an inconvienience to all of us, so if you would stop behaving like it's a personal insult, I'd be grateful. Indignant seems to be becoming your dominant personality traits.
Also, thank you for starting to lay again. I'm very grateful to avoid having to shop, and it means himself might not eat you instead of shopping (even if you do have extra insulation, hot mash, fresh worms, and extra greens to get you through)
Oh, and if you would stop chucking all your bedding out into the snow, you might be a bit snugger. Just a thought...)
WW
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GSHP
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@ WW that sounds so like my lot. Although in fairness they are laying very well.
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Mutton
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Dear Hens
Finally you have grass again, and snails. What a very efficient bit of snail bashing I saw one of you doing today.
Also glad that one of you accepted the temporary nest box of the big piece of wood tilted against the existing nest box with some hay under it that we put up yesterday. It would be even better if you'd use the lovely second nest box we built you, it took most of a day cutting the timber and assembling it - wish you would explain what is wrong with it.
However the queue of three hens all screaming their heads off to use the "proper" nest box yesterday really got on our nerves. The bit where Mabel moved in and sat on top of her sister was really, really loud.
I suppose half of you will start going broody soon and then the nest box queues will be even worse.
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Mutton
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Dear Hens
Wonderful, well done to whichever of your used the new nest box. And thank you to the rest of you for not forming a screaming queue today. Maybe you had better things to do, like foraging around on all that newly exposed grass.
PS - thank you for 4 eggs. Whatever shall we do with them.
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GSHP
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Dear Hens,
Why when I give you access to new lovely fresh grass do you prefer to spend the day in the empty, very muddy pig pen ?
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Minum
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Dear Hens
I love you very dearly, and am very grateful for the continuing egg glut which I can use to thank/bribe/thrill all the lovely people who are helping us make our new life come into being.
But I spend a lot of time separating food into stuff that is lovely for chickens, which I lay out on the lawn for you, and stuff that is yucky, which goes to the compost - so why do you ignore my hard work and insist on spending your time picking over the compost heap ?
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Mutton
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Dear Hens
A second egg in the new nest box. Yee hah. We'll build you another new nest box just like it except for a slightly larger doorway as we've seen the one Cobb hen we own can't fit through the small door on the Mark 1. Built the door small to stop one of the Cockerels going in there and routing around.
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JRT
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Dear hen (light Sussex) thanks for laying an egg every day since you started, they have gone to good use . But the rest of you it's not good enough it's been almost 18 weeks since we got so please start soon. Ps stop pooing on the patio
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Mutton
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Dear Hens
Please would you tell us which one of you it is who started laying today - with a polka dot egg. The one I mean is a pale beige background, well normal pale brown sort of egg colour, but with raised white dots across it. Puts me in mind of wall paper. Not seen one like that before.
(And did all those little raised dots hurt on the way out? )
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mihto
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Dear Hens.
Some time ago I went food shopping with a South African friend. I bought some eggs; our main breed of commercial laying hens is White Italian.
My friend was a bit quiet and thoughtful on the way home. Eventually he asked: how do you bleach the eggs? And why do you bother?
Dear hens, nice to hear that not only South African chicken lay brown eggs.
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Mutton
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Dear Next Door's Cockerel,
We know you are lonely because the fox ate your hens. It is very sad for you.
However, if you do come chasing after any of our nice young things, then as you discovered, we have three cockerels - and they don't like competition.
Please don't come back.
Love
The nice person who rescued you from the fight, carried you home and hopes you are feeling a bit better.
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jocorless
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Dear Miss Barnvelder,
I know you are very proud of the fact you've just started to lay
but do you really need to jump over the fence and come up to the bronze grass by the back door to lay your egg? You have a perfectly nice nest box in the hen house to lay in - Also once you've laid it do you have to announce it quite so loudly to the whole street? Especially at 9am on a Sunday morning? Once again I refer you to the nest box right at the bottom of the garden - there is a reason why it's down there - it's so you can be as vocal as you want to
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alibibby
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Dear Hens,
When I was at school, if I was asked the question if 5 hens lay one egg between them each day, how many eggs should 10 hens lay??? I might have answered '2'. However, after getting the 5 of you some new friends, (2 too young to lay admittedly) and a very fit new boyfriend, what has happened? Are you on strike for more pay, sulking or what?
the one who makes sure you are safe at night, feeds you extras if you look sad etc. etc. etc
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LynneA
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Please learn to distinguish what is grape and what is finger before clamping your beak on the treat.
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Mutton
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Dear Broody Hen in the Barn
If we hadn't spotted you were missing and gone looking for you, a fox would have had you last night. You screamed all the way across the field as we carried you through the dusk to a proper nest box. We sat you on your own warm eggs. They were cold this morning you daft cluck.
Going back to the barn to sit on an empty nest, then screaming all the way back across the field and pecking OH finger as we returned you to the nest box was pretty silly too.
If you want to brood eggs, get on with it and brood EGGS not hay.
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wellington womble
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Dear Hubble (cream legbar hen)
please oblige me in future by noy finding your way into the vegatable garden at dusk, and not being able to get out again. Especially not on the one evening that himself offers to shut you all in for me, causing him to panic and drag me out of the bath to come and find you. Also, please make your presence known at some other time, not the exact moment I am dressed and ready to come and get you, negating the point of me getting out of the bath at all.
yours etc etc
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Spruengli
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Dear Hester (also cream legbar hen)
Thank you for the egg - how nice that you chose Valentine's day for your first one.... and how lucky for you, as in my opinion 7 months old is a very late start (and the freezer is looking emptier than of late )
However, you appear to have pulled it out of the bag (as it were)
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alibibby
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When I was at school, if I was asked the question if 5 hens lay one egg between them each day, how many eggs should 10 hens lay??? I might have answered '2'. However, after getting the 5 of you some new friends, (2 too young to lay admittedly) and a very fit new boyfriend, what has happened? Are you on strike for more pay, sulking or what?
Dear Hens,
thank you so much for reading this post and laying me 2 eggs today. I take it all back
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wellington womble
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Dear hens,
stay put of the bloody vegetables, or I'll roast you. Clear?
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Mutton
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Dear former barn broody
Well after we shut you in the nest box yesterday you started brooding properly. Still at it this morning, and kept it up for all of today. Well done girl. Just another three weeks and you will have little fluffy yellow (or black) things to go peep, peep, peep, in your ears all day. And heave around under you.
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dpack
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dear hens ,run run or hide and wait with robust intent
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Pilsbury
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| wellington womble wrote: | Dear hens,
stay put of the bloody vegetables, or I'll roast you. Clear? |
they are expecting it, they are just topping up on their stuffing to save you a job!
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marshdaisy
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Dear Ladies,
Any chance you can stop oggling the new cockerel (handsome as he is..) and lay some eggs for the weekend?
Dear Quail,
Any chance one of the seven of you may lay an egg anytime soon? Pretty please?
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Soapnutter
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Dear Rocky (New Black Rock, arrived yesterday),
Well done on laying your first egg in the cardboard box on the way home, any chance of a repeat performance please?
Oh and Cookie (Cuckoo Maran - been here a while), give over shouting at Rocky and go and lay me an egg please.
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Minum
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Dear Emmeline
I hope you are happy in hen heaven tonight. We will miss you so much, but I am glad you had a happy retirement here with us, away from that horrible battery farm.
Thank you for all the fun you have given us, and the delicious eggs.
xx
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mihto
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| Minum wrote: | Dear Emmeline
I hope you are happy in hen heaven tonight. We will miss you so much, but I am glad you had a happy retirement here with us, away from that horrible battery farm.
Thank you for all the fun you have given us, and the delicious eggs.
xx |
My condolences. How long have you had her?
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Soapnutter
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| Minum wrote: | Dear Emmeline
I hope you are happy in hen heaven tonight. We will miss you so much, but I am glad you had a happy retirement here with us, away from that horrible battery farm.
Thank you for all the fun you have given us, and the delicious eggs.
xx |
Bless - may chicken heaven be filled with green grass to scratch and slugs to eat, or whatever she prefers...
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LynneA
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Dear Jerney,
Don't try sitting on the pot egg, it won't hatch.
And you haven't even started laying your own yet
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Ginnyknit
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Dear Billy, I know we only rescued you a week ago but can you stop making me look stupid when I put you all to bed. Its not funny when I tuck you all up for the night and then you manage to follow me in the house!  Oh and a few eggs would be nice, no rush, no pressure but tomorrow morning would be good, your sisters have at least repayed our kindness a couple of times.
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Woodburner
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Dear hens,
It's high time you realised that the nest boxes are nice and cosy so you don't get chilled when you lay your eggs, so why do half of you persist in laying on the cold mesh floor of the coop? I know you know they're nice and warm because I can tell you sleep there. Oh yes, I know all your tricks! So you'd better start laying where you're supposed to or I'll start blocking them off at night! Use them or lose them! HAH!
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Soapnutter
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Dear Skinny Whitestars,
If you kick all your bedding out into the snow you're going to be cold. I've just filled it up again for you, don't do it again.
Oh and Rocky, you little star! Thank you for an egg almost every day since you arrived on Thursday. I think a day off on Fri is acceptable seeing as you were stressed and new and everything.
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Minum
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Thanks Mito and Soapnutter, we got our ex batts in August, so we had Emmeline for about 8 months. The others are all thriving, so I think she was just unlucky.
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Soapnutter
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Dear Hens,
I feed you lots of tasty stuff, I care for you and I've made sure you're happy and have lots of room and a comfy house.
I keep you for eggs, not meat - so where are the eggs? You bunch of slackers... Not you Rainbow, you're meant to be in retirement now so any eggs from you are a bonus. But the rest of you! Get sorted and lay me eggs, lots and lots of eggs......
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