| Archive for Downsizer For an ethical approach to consumption |
| Mary-Jane |
Pre-menstrual rage leading to a land management decision...Three days off work this week so I decided to cut all the garden grass today whilst Jack was at school. It's a long job at the best of times (around 4 plus or so hours) but today, with me pre-menstrual and tired, and the grass not having been cut for at least two weeks it seemed a lot worse and took a lot longer somehow (it's still not finished). I finally decided that I just didn't want to do it any more. It takes up the best part of a whole day by the time I've cut, trudged up and down to the compost heaps a squillion times, strimmed everywhere else where the mower can't go, swept and cleared and shoved and dragged... Then I have no time left to do the things I want to do. 
So I've decided to advertise for a helper at weekends either Saturdays or Sundays to cut the grass, do the strimming and plus a few other jobs that always need doing around the place. I thought it would suit a student on hols at the moment. So once Gervase and I had had the row about whether we could afford it, I set about writing an ad for the local paper. Gervase made me remove the reference to 'Guardian reader essential' and 'no riff raff' a la Basil Fawlty  but other than that - is there anything else I should put in or change? Does anyone else have weekend help at their places? All constructive comments and ideas gratefully received...
"Very busy couple require reliable, hard working person (16 +) for grass cutting and other outside jobs around their smallholding at weekends. Would suit local student on summer vacation. £5 per hour. Hours negotiable. Further weekday work may also arise. Tel xxxx" |
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| Treacodactyl |
Can you make reference to peoples ages any more? If they are over 22 don't you need to pay the minimum wage, something like £5.35?
On a more constructive note, are you/they insured? |
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| Jonnyboy |
'very busy' you could change that to 'disorganised'
TD's suggestions sound helpful. |
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| Marionb |
I wish we lived nearer you, M-J, that job would suit my 16 year old down to the ground 
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| Mary-Jane |
Is that supposed to make us sound more approachable...or are you having a go at me?
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| dpack |
if you employ them there is lots of red tape
if they are self employed and contracted to you they do the red tape
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| Jonnyboy |
I'd give them an idea of how many hours per weekend they can expect to be required. | ||||||
| Jonnyboy |
I wouldn't do that, you're premenstrual. And as I'm too far away to be physically hurt, Gervase may suffer so that I might live. |
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| Mary-Jane |
Bit wary of setting an age as I would prefer someone of about 17-19 in which case £5 is over the minimum wage they would get. I take your point about insurance - but the work is in the garden, not working on the smallholding. But we do have insurance...although it may be worth checking about someone coming in to work in any event. |
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| bernie-woman |
Agree with that - it may be a good idea to have a minimum hours needed figure so that at least they will know they would definitley be getting something even if it is peeing it down and they can't cut the grass etc... |
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| Mary-Jane |
You haven't answered the question. |
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| Mary-Jane |
So how about:
"Busy, but disorganised couple require reliable, hard working person (16 +) for grass cutting and other outside jobs around their smallholding for approximately 8 hours at weekends. Would suit local student on summer vacation. £5 per hour. Times negotiable. Further weekday work may also arise. Tel xxxx" |
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| Mary-Jane |
Put him on a train - he can stay with us for the weekends...
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| Treacodactyl |
I meant you are asking for them to be 16+ and I thought you couldn't even say that these days, although I can't see it being a problem in this case. |
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| Behemoth |
'Disorganised' whould make me doubt that you've got it together enough to pay me on time. What about 'shabby'? |
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| bernie-woman |
I see that whether it is raining or not isn't going to be an issue then (you hard task master )
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| Mary-Jane |
 You'd better believe it!
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| Mary-Jane |
Shabby?  I don't like 'disorganised' either. What else can I put?
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| Behemoth |
Why not just stick with busy and the handy person can make up their own mind. | ||||||
| bernie-woman |
I would just have 'busy couple'- that describes what you actually are, despite what the boys say - However, this does mean that you cannot be seen lounging on a sun lounger clutching a g&t whilst some young 16 year old cuts the grass
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| Mary-Jane |
Yeah. So... "Busy couple require reliable, hard working person (16 +) for grass cutting and other outside jobs around their smallholding for approximately 8 hours at weekends. Would suit local student on summer vacation. £5 per hour. Times negotiable. Further weekdays may also arise. Tel xxxx" |
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| Mary-Jane |
No? Dammit...
I don't think we own sun loungers. |
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| Northern_Lad |
Could you not get yourself a WWOOFer? Gervase could get some help in the bedrooms too, then. | ||||||
| lottie |
I'm not letting my 19 year old near your advert----got him slaving for free at the moment
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| Mary-Jane |
Ooooh yes - I forgot you're a Ceredigion girl Lottie! Awww go on - let me have him for a couple of weekends please...
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| Mary-Jane |
 I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about NL. Have you been sniffing something?
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| Jonnyboy |
Consider it a survival technique. 'Vacation' - is the smallholding in New Hampshire or is it only American students you're after? |
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| Mary-Jane |
Yes, yes, yes - I know. But I'm reliably informed that this is young-speak...
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| Northern_Lad |
Willing Workers On Organic Farms http://www.wwoof.org/wwoof_uk/ And my pits are fine today, thank-you-very-much. |
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| woodsprite |
I'd recommend help exchange. Its woofing but without the paperwork. When we had the farm we had several great young people helping us out over the summers and they get so much out of it too. The last boy, 19 I think, was a native New Yorker, never picked up a spade in his life much less mucked out pigs but he was fab. He spent a month with us and we managed to brainwash (!!) him into thinking slightley greener. So much so that when he returned from his european trip, he started a small veg plot in his parents 'back yard'.
Its rewarding for both parties, I'd really thoroughly recommend it. |
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| Mary-Jane |
Aaaaaah...I see. (clinking of penny dropping) Thanks for that. |
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| Mary-Jane |
Is there a website for that too woodsprite? Or did you just mean generally? |
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| woodsprite |
Yup, sos, just ran off to look for it.
www.helpx.net |
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| MarkS |
/coffee in keyboard/splutter/splutter/ |
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| cab |
I'm reminded of the advert a fer years ago in a Cambridge post office.
"Cleaner wanted. Three mornings a week. Graduate preferred." |
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| cab |
It occurs to me that if cutting the grass takes four hours, you've got too much grass. Get pigs. | ||||||
| Jamanda |
8 hours altogether, or 8 each day? | ||||||
| Mary-Jane |
See...Gervase wouldn't let me put that...
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| hedgewitch |
Well, maybe PhD desirable but not essential? |
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| Mary-Jane |
Now you're just being silly...
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| Mary-Jane |
Cab dear...pigs are for the agricultutral side of the smallholding. We are discussing the garden here...you know, pretty benches to sit on and gaze down the kitchen garden, a gentle walk to the polytunnel and a table to sit at with your drinks... |
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| mochyn |
So, M-J, what's wrong with a few nice little weaners introduced into that scene? They could come and nibble your knees while you're sitting on this bench. |
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| Northern_Lad |
Yeah, Cab; you eejot. What about geese, MJ? |
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| pookie |
geese...now you're talkin! |
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| lettucewoman |
goats? sheep ?
if you employ them on a casual basis you are not liable for anything - they are. |
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| lettucewoman |
students i mean - not sheep!! | ||||||
| MarkS |
Ohhhh! Not true. The situation as described is not casual work in the sense of being exempt from the paye requirements. The position described is clearly employment. "Casual work" means one off employment. ie one day with no commitment beyond that. There used to be an exemption for "Harvest Workers" where the total employment is less than two weeks - dont know if that still applies. The Tax & NI system has clamped down on casual/temp workers - PAYE should be operated in almost all cases. The employer is liable for unpaid tax &ni. This is why most IT contractors set up ltd companies, that makes employment a business arrangement rather than employment. The HMCRE will be round to see you later. |
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| Windymiller |
If you are still looking for a grass-cutting assistant, I can send my son around. He is 22, strong, has own transport, is looking for work before college starts again, and he lives a mere few miles away from you. | ||||||
| Mary-Jane |
Hi WM...that sounds great. Could you PM me your phone number please? I know we've prolly got it somewhere amongst our mountain of paperwork, but I can't find it. What's his name? What's he studying at the moment (not that that has any bearing at all...)
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| Mary-Jane |
Well, Windymiller Junior (Gervase has suggested we call him Breezy) has started working for me and turned out to be an absolute trooper! He set to on my list of jobs with enthusiasm and gusto and is coming back again for a couple of days this week - so I can't be that dreadful to work for
And I am smiling again...
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| Penny |
Gusty would be better - if he's a big strong lad, Breezy doesn't seem to fit
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| Mary-Jane |
Yup - I like that!
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| oldish chris |
Cab's thought process is getting there. As far as I am aware, it is a universal fact that people who do gardens (1) know absolutely nothing about gardening and (2) are always unreliable. M.J., your suggestion of employing someone isn't a solution, it is an additional problem. The grass would continue to grow, the person would either make it look worse or not turn up. (IMHO) a bottle of Shiraz and a long cogitate are called for. Then redisign that part of the garden for low maintenance, e.g. chicken ark, wildlife garden, concrete. |
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| oldish chris |
Oh yeah, forgot, if its not part of the farm, pedigree, rarebreed pet pigs. | ||||||
| Mary-Jane |
Well gosh, thanks for that OC. According to your (no doubt impeccable) reasoning, a) I know nothing about gardening; b) the very nice young man who is working for me is utterly unreliable and is going to ruin my garden; c) I have made additional problems for myself; d) I urgently need to completely re-design my garden by filling it with concrete. And you managed to come up with solutions from your armchair, never having seen our garden, not knowing what we have achieved so far and not being aware of any of our plans? That's truly amazing. I prostrate myself at your feet... 
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| lettucewoman |
just found this on the web.....it wasn't you was it MJ????
At least one man or woman needed to do some casual work in grounds of farmhouse in area of outstanding natural beauty 30 mins from Charing Cross station...clearing brambles from shrubberies, emptying hay barn, gardening depending on skill level....board and lodging included and to die for on their own, even before getting paid! Maybe some farm work too, repairs, spraying, if you're getting on well. Perhaps a spot of painting if it happened to rain. A good old tidy up. How many days? i dunno, maybe 3 or 4 person days. The more useful you are the more jobs I'll find. Its a cool place to be. I reckon if you get collected from station, put up in a listed 1585 house and fed plenty of rare breed meat and real eggs, then a traveller could do a good days work for £40. Bring your boyfriend or walk up to the safa pub and try to score there. I just want some people who aren't a nuisance and sort out those things I never do.
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| hedgewitch |
Mornin' M-J
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| mochyn |
May I just say that, speaking as a recently retired PROFESSIONAL gardener/designer, that's a lot of cr*p, Chris? |
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| cab |
Thats her told then. Well done Chris
The wildlife garden sounds fun though, don't you think? Sounds like you have loads of room, is that a possibility (might be more fun for the lad too, and might leave you with less maintenance in the long run). |
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| hedgewitch |
Having re-read the title of the thread, you're a very brave man, Cab.
But I like the idea of a wildlife garden too.... |
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| Mary-Jane |
Well, I have got another patch which I've got earmarked for a wildlife garden actually. I do think that's a good idea - but it will have to wait for now... | ||||||
| Mary-Jane |
Ummm, Mochyn? Fancy coming down for the day sometime? I'll make you lunch and pay your expenses...
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| mochyn |
Any time! (but preferably when these chaps are a few weeks older!) Don't want a couple of weaners in about October, do you? |
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| hedgewitch |
They'd keep your grass down.... (runs off very quickly.....) |
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| cab |
The line between courage and stupidity is thin and ill defined, don't you think? |
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| cab |
Excellent. If I had more space, I'd certainly put more aside for wildlife. I'm facing the problem on the allotment that the little meeces that like my wildlife patch on the allotment also seem to like eating my peas. All I've had from one row has been the odd pod, all the others are chewed up piles of peapod with nothing left for me. |
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| Mary-Jane |
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| Windymiller |
I was amazed to hear that your new assistant had been mucking out a sheep shed...
First thing he did when getting home, was going for the second shower of the day. |
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| bodran |
Hi mary jane, i've not read through all the posts, But we have woofers , there are 2 lads outside at the moment repairing some fencing, It's a fair exchange of work for food and lodging....and seems to work pretty well.. They work about 5hrs a day. |